Strength
It is an unfortunate truth that our culture has crafted humans into becoming a fraction of who they "really" are. There is GREAT truth in the adage "only the strong survive". With the influx of social media, reality TV, and a variety of avenues to sway our attention or even distract us, we tend to lose track of ourselves. Is it socially acceptable to eat "red meat" or "tofu"? Am I supposed to be married by 30, with two children, a pet and a red picket fence? Do I pursue a career OR pursue a family? Can a man be a "stay at home father"? If the man "does" opt to be a "stay at home father", does the social constraints diminish his role as a man? Do we go to a "mega church" or the smaller church that "Big Mama" attends? Do I face the east to pray or do my prayers only court when I am in church? What about this, "why are you single"? The questions continue and if you are not STRONG, you will do what the (M)asses do - swaying away from your own truths.
May sound "silly" but it took me years to discover how much I loved strawberry ice cream!! The toxic relationship I was in was a very "controlling" environment. It was easier to "go with the flow" than to deal with the consequences. The cycle of abuse I fell into prevented me from being the WHOLE person I knew I was (or so I thought). Once I was "free" from my abuse and began to get clear directives, I learned that I did not have to "go with the flow". I am me. I love me. I make my own decisions. I consult God and hence, my pain has pointed me right toward my purpose.... writing to you with transparency.
Over the couple of years that I have chosen to write - I am enormously amazed at the conversations I am engaged with. Very smart and intelligent people who are HURTING. Economically RICH (by social standards) and some borderline homeless..... the common thread is how gracefully their pain is hidden - even from those that would want to believe they know them best.
Once you "LEARN" how to "hide your pain" - "swallow your pride" or be in a "situation relationship", you lose yourself - longing for the person you used to be (who is more familiar to you) and scared to become who you authentically are. That mask is easier to put on than to take off. Women put on their mascara and NO one would imagine that she did it and did not even remember when the process started or ended - she has become mechanical in her daily routine. How many men have shaved their beard, showed up for work, kissed their partner good-bye for the day and sat on the toilet and wept? Truth be told, this warped reality is evident in more people than you may imagine. Heck, I learned how to put on a strong confident face. NO ONE KNEW HOW HORRIBLE I FELT INSIDE. I taught myself how to have a public face in light of my private hell.
Those who have followed "Deborah's Freedom" for some time know by now that I moved from Delaware to South Carolina with NOTHING but my daughter and my dreams many years ago. While I was geographically removed from "him" - the sound of his voice could evoke terror inside of me. Fast forward, I stood in front of his casket March of 2018. While I had forgiven him for what he knowingly (or unknowingly) put me through - I did not want him to die without God. I sent him the sinners prayer - since salvation is a personal division, I felt peace within myself - asked the mortician permission to touch his cold clay shell - and wished him well in his journey to eternity. I am NOT glad HE IS GONE - I am glad that I was able to move on- mentally and emotionally. Truth i - NO ONE KNEW I was suffering - I "taught" the people around me that I was "OK". This is why I know my audience - 'cause I have "been there".
Have you ever had a "silent scream"? I mean the kind of yell that was welling up on the inside but because of the persona you exuded, NO ONE COULD HEAR YOUR CRY? Have you eer wanted to be "RESCUED" but could not bear the stigma of someone KNOWING that you were living a lie? I have learned from men how the distance of asking for help and getting help is even worse. Like it or not - men experience domestic abuse. Like it or not - men hurt. Against popular opinion, the need to "suck it up" and "be a man" rings in the mind of men more often than I even imagined. Where to men go for "help"? Many I have talked to or communicated with via social media are so concerned about their sense of masculinity that they stay dysfunctional rather than to accept faulty social criticism.
When you are strong, SOMETIMES people don't ask you how you are doing. There are SOME people that God sends to our lives that "rescue" us - but these type of people are rare. (I am glad God sent one to me)!
Absent of a title that would dictate my offering you advice - I can only speak of my personal experiences. I am vehemently and with my whole heart an advocate for seeking professional help. Sometimes you need to hear YOURSELF listen to YOURSELF to a person that is not closely attached to your problems and will not judge you. I USED to send people to church - but the foundation of the church structure has damaged more people than helped them over the years. For the record, this dialogue DOES NOT refer to ALL CHURCHES for there are places of worship with very sound doctrine. Point here is - don't just suffer in silence. There is help. I happened to choose the way of the CROSS.
Growing is a process - more importantly, growing is a decision. This life is NOT a dress-rehearsal. You don't get a second swipe at today - once it is gone you don't get a "do-over". It is uncommonly sad to waste today having a daily routine of "normal" and then the baptism of tears when no one is around. Everyday is "show time" - when God says "cut" it is over - curtain closes and you don't get to do this "earth" visit again.
Are you denying YOURSELF of your best life ever?
Choose life.
Choose YOU.
YOU MATTER!
May sound "silly" but it took me years to discover how much I loved strawberry ice cream!! The toxic relationship I was in was a very "controlling" environment. It was easier to "go with the flow" than to deal with the consequences. The cycle of abuse I fell into prevented me from being the WHOLE person I knew I was (or so I thought). Once I was "free" from my abuse and began to get clear directives, I learned that I did not have to "go with the flow". I am me. I love me. I make my own decisions. I consult God and hence, my pain has pointed me right toward my purpose.... writing to you with transparency.
Over the couple of years that I have chosen to write - I am enormously amazed at the conversations I am engaged with. Very smart and intelligent people who are HURTING. Economically RICH (by social standards) and some borderline homeless..... the common thread is how gracefully their pain is hidden - even from those that would want to believe they know them best.
Once you "LEARN" how to "hide your pain" - "swallow your pride" or be in a "situation relationship", you lose yourself - longing for the person you used to be (who is more familiar to you) and scared to become who you authentically are. That mask is easier to put on than to take off. Women put on their mascara and NO one would imagine that she did it and did not even remember when the process started or ended - she has become mechanical in her daily routine. How many men have shaved their beard, showed up for work, kissed their partner good-bye for the day and sat on the toilet and wept? Truth be told, this warped reality is evident in more people than you may imagine. Heck, I learned how to put on a strong confident face. NO ONE KNEW HOW HORRIBLE I FELT INSIDE. I taught myself how to have a public face in light of my private hell.
Those who have followed "Deborah's Freedom" for some time know by now that I moved from Delaware to South Carolina with NOTHING but my daughter and my dreams many years ago. While I was geographically removed from "him" - the sound of his voice could evoke terror inside of me. Fast forward, I stood in front of his casket March of 2018. While I had forgiven him for what he knowingly (or unknowingly) put me through - I did not want him to die without God. I sent him the sinners prayer - since salvation is a personal division, I felt peace within myself - asked the mortician permission to touch his cold clay shell - and wished him well in his journey to eternity. I am NOT glad HE IS GONE - I am glad that I was able to move on- mentally and emotionally. Truth i - NO ONE KNEW I was suffering - I "taught" the people around me that I was "OK". This is why I know my audience - 'cause I have "been there".
Have you ever had a "silent scream"? I mean the kind of yell that was welling up on the inside but because of the persona you exuded, NO ONE COULD HEAR YOUR CRY? Have you eer wanted to be "RESCUED" but could not bear the stigma of someone KNOWING that you were living a lie? I have learned from men how the distance of asking for help and getting help is even worse. Like it or not - men experience domestic abuse. Like it or not - men hurt. Against popular opinion, the need to "suck it up" and "be a man" rings in the mind of men more often than I even imagined. Where to men go for "help"? Many I have talked to or communicated with via social media are so concerned about their sense of masculinity that they stay dysfunctional rather than to accept faulty social criticism.
When you are strong, SOMETIMES people don't ask you how you are doing. There are SOME people that God sends to our lives that "rescue" us - but these type of people are rare. (I am glad God sent one to me)!
Absent of a title that would dictate my offering you advice - I can only speak of my personal experiences. I am vehemently and with my whole heart an advocate for seeking professional help. Sometimes you need to hear YOURSELF listen to YOURSELF to a person that is not closely attached to your problems and will not judge you. I USED to send people to church - but the foundation of the church structure has damaged more people than helped them over the years. For the record, this dialogue DOES NOT refer to ALL CHURCHES for there are places of worship with very sound doctrine. Point here is - don't just suffer in silence. There is help. I happened to choose the way of the CROSS.
Growing is a process - more importantly, growing is a decision. This life is NOT a dress-rehearsal. You don't get a second swipe at today - once it is gone you don't get a "do-over". It is uncommonly sad to waste today having a daily routine of "normal" and then the baptism of tears when no one is around. Everyday is "show time" - when God says "cut" it is over - curtain closes and you don't get to do this "earth" visit again.
Are you denying YOURSELF of your best life ever?
Choose life.
Choose YOU.
YOU MATTER!
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