REFLECTIONS
AVANT lyrically captivated us with these words in the lyrics of his song "My FirstLove".
I would suppose that this is a "strange way" to begin my BLOG today but I urge you to follow my "zig-zag" pattern of thinking today. On March 27th I celebrated my birthday. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah we are in a "stay at home" or "quarantine" status at the moment BUT this has had to be the BEST birthday I have ever celebrated! My daughter and I have been through "thick and thin" together and she did not have to do ONE THING for me to be grateful for another year of LIFE - but she did! I put on my "strong" exterior and made my sojourn to the computer desk - just for her to say "Mommy, are you ready for your gift"? It was like - all I need is "ONE WORD" and the tear that was being held back by that one "blink" of the eye would just fall. Well, it did. I felt my bottom lip quiver because I knew tears were imminent. She gave me two cards that was full of a "daughter's love". Oh, what the heck, here come the tears!! I surrendered to the moment!! As a lover of prose, she purchased me a book ... and as a lover of fashion - she purchased me a "UNIQUE" blazer that had the elements of style that she KNEW I would love! Okay. She made me a cake that was elegant in presentation and would rival any bakery made fare. (well, then again, she IS a Pastry Chef :-) ) Dinner was spectacular! Grilled steak, broccoli and brown rice! I fought back the tears all day and she knew it. It is not the gifts and the dinner in totality that made me cry - it was a "Celebration of Life"! When you almost LOSE your life - each and every day is an unequivocal GIFT!!
Many of you know that I was a victim of domestic abuse. The term "Survivor" is so insignificant when one considers what "could have been". Oh, make no mistake about it - I am grateful for the "FREEDOM" of my plight - but sometimes "memories" will flow down my cheeks, meet at my chin and in the numb moment of existence I sometimes do not even notice when the tears began and when they stopped. If that were not enough, my "birth date" is a reminder of my standing in front of the casket of my former abuser only two short years ago. The man I loved sought to have me in a horizontal position for "viewing" and there I was looking at his cold, lifeless corpse. I do NOT take pleasure in his death - I am grateful that I do not have to deal with the drama any longer. Thereby giving birth to what is now known as "Deborah's Freedom".
After my ordeal and future "freedom" - I had a hard time loving "myself". Great minds give fancy words to describe the loss of myself - but in short, I was many miles away from my pain but mentally, I was still "attached" to the person I LOST. I literally LOST myself. I lived. I existed. I was NOT happy. The journey of healing was a very long and a very painful one. I had to accept what was and "LET IT GO". "Letting go" was not easy because looking in the face of my daughter, I could see physical characteristics of her father. I had to "learn" how to "correct" her so that my "correction" was not at "him". I had to "learn" how to look at people "right in the eye" again because for YEARS i often approached life by looking at the floor. I mean, eyes are a "window of the sou"l - I did not want anyone to know that my soul had been scorched by the flames of someone I NEVER imagined would hurt me.
Fast forward. I must say, I love "ME" now. Not in a sense of conceit but I "SMILE" again - and I "glow differently". People that have known "of" me over the years are relatively "surprised" at the "butterfly" I have become because I operated as a "caterpillar" for so long. My personal "cocoon" experience was real - it was bitter - it was dark and it was painful. I actually did not realize I had created a "wall of protection" around myself. I just did.
It is hard to escape the present current events. May these words serve as a "DATE STAMP" to a moment in our history that our children, grand, children and future generations will read about. The Coronavius has left even the most educated baffled. I pray a "BLOOD COVERING" over the people on the "FRONT LINES" of this battle. The professionals everywhere to the little known or celebrated janitors and grocery story workers. The "toilet paper" frenzy still baffles me - but in a moment of panic, the greatest of minds sometimes lose their mental balance. I mean, who would have expected that a "VIRUS" would have such a dark, letal and painful effect WORLDWIDE? I have forced myself to refrain from listening to the various news outlets because it would taint my Spirit. Not EVERYTHING is being reported correctly. Enough "truth" intermingled with "inflated truth" can drive one into a panic. Oh, no - I am not downplaying the intensity of this biological monster - I am just guarding what I listen to. With the onset of camera phones and amateur video capabilities, unexpected people have become commentators and hence "they" believe they have the "INSIDE STORY" of what is going on at any given time. My FB Messenter gets enormously filled with "group messages' - all meant to shed light on a dangerous situation but how easy it has been to get "information overload"!! My sincerest condolences to those who have transitioned onto their eternal resting place. The mourning families seeking "closure" vs. their own survival both mentally and physically. What strange times - BUT - I just do not believe that God is sitting in Heaven having emergency conference room meetings seeking to SOLVE this problem. I am adding an elementary sense of reasoning to this - but God is not "SCARED". God is not wiping His forehead saying "I did not EVEN see this one coming"! Nope, God is not trembling wondering "What are we gonna do". We live in a "NEW NORMAL".
Who would have ever imagined they would see the day that churches, synagogues or places of worship would be CLOSED! "Holy Week" (as the Christian community calls it) was online! I mean, thank God for technology BUT that which was "NORMAL" is gone. I don't believe we will see "normal" again. Thing is "NORMAL" was obviously NOT working so perhaps this "NEW NORMAL" will be what is necessary for a since of "returning to our FIRST LOVE". God.
God has the WORLD right now. The question is , "Are we listening"? I pray that once the schools open and business begin to rebuild their "bottom line" the masses do not massage the "corona virus" pandemic into their memories and return to their wicked ways. Right now ,people seem to be looking for "hope" again - the kind of hope only found in God. Setting aside one's religious persuasion ( AME, COGIC, First Baptist, Second Baptist, First Assembly, Pentecostal, Fire-Baptized, Catholic, Lutheran.... and the list goes on and on and on)... Everyone is beginning to SEE that it just may have to take something on a supernatural level to bring "PEACE" and closure to a devastating moment in history.
I hear so many people "complain" about having to be "AT HOME". The quarantine has been devastating to so many - just because they are "AT HOME". God forbid! Oh, but what about the fact that families can actually "spend time together". Heck, that chair you bought that you NEVER sit in - how about sitting in it now!! Most people are so busy we only "VISIT" our own homes. Having devotional time with our families - now that is a concept isn't it. Independent of "HOW" we got to where we are - there has got to be something that can be salvaged. We will make more money but we cannot "bottle time" - so don't waste it. That "bedtime" prayer time should have greater significance now more than ever.
I would suspect that divorce rates will skyrocket during this time, though. The structure of the family has been changed because partners are in an enclosed space with a person they married but because of the "identity" we find in our professions - truth is - these once loving couples hardly know each ohter. Their "identity" has been found in their profession and "making money" rather than nurturing the relationship. Divorce is such an "easy way out". Why not "fall in love" AGAIN.
My reflections have come to a close for this BLOG Post. I am writing as a "Reflection" of a birthday celebration "during" quarantine but I hope these words meant much more to you. If you are reading these words - you are alive. This virus has no parameters of prejudice. From the richest to the most poor - death has not discriminated not one little but!!
The "inconvenience" of the times should not be viewed as a negative addition to the words now written on the slate of our lives. It is a "MOMENT" - do not let it be a "MONUMENT". Let's use the wisdom necessary to prevent the further spred of hte virus and look to the hills - to where our help comes from. Like it or not - our help comes from God.
Let's turn our hearts, our minds and our palms upward from where our help comes from.
"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
2 Corinthians 4:17 King James Version (KJV)
Reflections.
..Silhouettes of a perfect frame. Shadows of your smile will always remain. Beginners luck soon fades away, We go on, I'll always say.....Long as I live, you will be my first love ....I recognize that the significance of these words were meant in reference of two people haven fallen in love (or that is how I interpreted it). Thing is - with God ALWAYS BEING FIRST IN MY LIFE - I am my own "first love". It is so easy to "look for love" in other people just to learn that (as Whitney Houston put it).. "The Greatest Love of all is Inside of ME"!
I would suppose that this is a "strange way" to begin my BLOG today but I urge you to follow my "zig-zag" pattern of thinking today. On March 27th I celebrated my birthday. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah we are in a "stay at home" or "quarantine" status at the moment BUT this has had to be the BEST birthday I have ever celebrated! My daughter and I have been through "thick and thin" together and she did not have to do ONE THING for me to be grateful for another year of LIFE - but she did! I put on my "strong" exterior and made my sojourn to the computer desk - just for her to say "Mommy, are you ready for your gift"? It was like - all I need is "ONE WORD" and the tear that was being held back by that one "blink" of the eye would just fall. Well, it did. I felt my bottom lip quiver because I knew tears were imminent. She gave me two cards that was full of a "daughter's love". Oh, what the heck, here come the tears!! I surrendered to the moment!! As a lover of prose, she purchased me a book ... and as a lover of fashion - she purchased me a "UNIQUE" blazer that had the elements of style that she KNEW I would love! Okay. She made me a cake that was elegant in presentation and would rival any bakery made fare. (well, then again, she IS a Pastry Chef :-) ) Dinner was spectacular! Grilled steak, broccoli and brown rice! I fought back the tears all day and she knew it. It is not the gifts and the dinner in totality that made me cry - it was a "Celebration of Life"! When you almost LOSE your life - each and every day is an unequivocal GIFT!!
Many of you know that I was a victim of domestic abuse. The term "Survivor" is so insignificant when one considers what "could have been". Oh, make no mistake about it - I am grateful for the "FREEDOM" of my plight - but sometimes "memories" will flow down my cheeks, meet at my chin and in the numb moment of existence I sometimes do not even notice when the tears began and when they stopped. If that were not enough, my "birth date" is a reminder of my standing in front of the casket of my former abuser only two short years ago. The man I loved sought to have me in a horizontal position for "viewing" and there I was looking at his cold, lifeless corpse. I do NOT take pleasure in his death - I am grateful that I do not have to deal with the drama any longer. Thereby giving birth to what is now known as "Deborah's Freedom".
After my ordeal and future "freedom" - I had a hard time loving "myself". Great minds give fancy words to describe the loss of myself - but in short, I was many miles away from my pain but mentally, I was still "attached" to the person I LOST. I literally LOST myself. I lived. I existed. I was NOT happy. The journey of healing was a very long and a very painful one. I had to accept what was and "LET IT GO". "Letting go" was not easy because looking in the face of my daughter, I could see physical characteristics of her father. I had to "learn" how to "correct" her so that my "correction" was not at "him". I had to "learn" how to look at people "right in the eye" again because for YEARS i often approached life by looking at the floor. I mean, eyes are a "window of the sou"l - I did not want anyone to know that my soul had been scorched by the flames of someone I NEVER imagined would hurt me.
Fast forward. I must say, I love "ME" now. Not in a sense of conceit but I "SMILE" again - and I "glow differently". People that have known "of" me over the years are relatively "surprised" at the "butterfly" I have become because I operated as a "caterpillar" for so long. My personal "cocoon" experience was real - it was bitter - it was dark and it was painful. I actually did not realize I had created a "wall of protection" around myself. I just did.
It is hard to escape the present current events. May these words serve as a "DATE STAMP" to a moment in our history that our children, grand, children and future generations will read about. The Coronavius has left even the most educated baffled. I pray a "BLOOD COVERING" over the people on the "FRONT LINES" of this battle. The professionals everywhere to the little known or celebrated janitors and grocery story workers. The "toilet paper" frenzy still baffles me - but in a moment of panic, the greatest of minds sometimes lose their mental balance. I mean, who would have expected that a "VIRUS" would have such a dark, letal and painful effect WORLDWIDE? I have forced myself to refrain from listening to the various news outlets because it would taint my Spirit. Not EVERYTHING is being reported correctly. Enough "truth" intermingled with "inflated truth" can drive one into a panic. Oh, no - I am not downplaying the intensity of this biological monster - I am just guarding what I listen to. With the onset of camera phones and amateur video capabilities, unexpected people have become commentators and hence "they" believe they have the "INSIDE STORY" of what is going on at any given time. My FB Messenter gets enormously filled with "group messages' - all meant to shed light on a dangerous situation but how easy it has been to get "information overload"!! My sincerest condolences to those who have transitioned onto their eternal resting place. The mourning families seeking "closure" vs. their own survival both mentally and physically. What strange times - BUT - I just do not believe that God is sitting in Heaven having emergency conference room meetings seeking to SOLVE this problem. I am adding an elementary sense of reasoning to this - but God is not "SCARED". God is not wiping His forehead saying "I did not EVEN see this one coming"! Nope, God is not trembling wondering "What are we gonna do". We live in a "NEW NORMAL".
Who would have ever imagined they would see the day that churches, synagogues or places of worship would be CLOSED! "Holy Week" (as the Christian community calls it) was online! I mean, thank God for technology BUT that which was "NORMAL" is gone. I don't believe we will see "normal" again. Thing is "NORMAL" was obviously NOT working so perhaps this "NEW NORMAL" will be what is necessary for a since of "returning to our FIRST LOVE". God.
God has the WORLD right now. The question is , "Are we listening"? I pray that once the schools open and business begin to rebuild their "bottom line" the masses do not massage the "corona virus" pandemic into their memories and return to their wicked ways. Right now ,people seem to be looking for "hope" again - the kind of hope only found in God. Setting aside one's religious persuasion ( AME, COGIC, First Baptist, Second Baptist, First Assembly, Pentecostal, Fire-Baptized, Catholic, Lutheran.... and the list goes on and on and on)... Everyone is beginning to SEE that it just may have to take something on a supernatural level to bring "PEACE" and closure to a devastating moment in history.
I hear so many people "complain" about having to be "AT HOME". The quarantine has been devastating to so many - just because they are "AT HOME". God forbid! Oh, but what about the fact that families can actually "spend time together". Heck, that chair you bought that you NEVER sit in - how about sitting in it now!! Most people are so busy we only "VISIT" our own homes. Having devotional time with our families - now that is a concept isn't it. Independent of "HOW" we got to where we are - there has got to be something that can be salvaged. We will make more money but we cannot "bottle time" - so don't waste it. That "bedtime" prayer time should have greater significance now more than ever.
I would suspect that divorce rates will skyrocket during this time, though. The structure of the family has been changed because partners are in an enclosed space with a person they married but because of the "identity" we find in our professions - truth is - these once loving couples hardly know each ohter. Their "identity" has been found in their profession and "making money" rather than nurturing the relationship. Divorce is such an "easy way out". Why not "fall in love" AGAIN.
My reflections have come to a close for this BLOG Post. I am writing as a "Reflection" of a birthday celebration "during" quarantine but I hope these words meant much more to you. If you are reading these words - you are alive. This virus has no parameters of prejudice. From the richest to the most poor - death has not discriminated not one little but!!
The "inconvenience" of the times should not be viewed as a negative addition to the words now written on the slate of our lives. It is a "MOMENT" - do not let it be a "MONUMENT". Let's use the wisdom necessary to prevent the further spred of hte virus and look to the hills - to where our help comes from. Like it or not - our help comes from God.
Let's turn our hearts, our minds and our palms upward from where our help comes from.
"For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, worketh for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory.
2 Corinthians 4:17 King James Version (KJV)
Reflections.
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