Reality Check

It is a somber time to hear or read the news lately.  Even more difficult is to escape the EPIC loss of life from seemingly senseless mass shootings, floods, hurricanes, volcanoes, wild fires, road rage, angry interludes which seem to escalate into horrific moments made for the TV anchorperson to withdraw from their own emotion just to present before the camera.  Oh, yeah - let's not forget the ever present problem with death by an incident of domestic abuse.  The statistics are beyond horrific for the loss of lives due to reasons too difficult to assume to describe or understand.  Many news outlets have calculated the heightened census of loss - but their statistics are generally changing every minute, hour, day or month depending on how the numbers are calculated.

On one hand, one would desire to withdraw from watching the news completely to "escape" the ills ravaging our society but  it is almost impossible not to notice.  An entire plane getting "LOST" off the radar still makes me numb.  Children being sold into sex-trade - or parents in a rage of some kind - harming a child - mentally, physically, sexually or how about - abandoning the child.  I used to be an avid "Talk Show" junkie.  I am from the Montel Williams, Ricky Lake, Phil Donahue, Oprah Winfrey, Sally Jessee Raphael generation.  While I would sit in awe of the communications presented, some of the stores that we hear about THEN (for the most part) pale in comparison to the heart-wrenching stores that newsrooms are now made of.

To be a "first responder" has more of a heroic tone to me now.  The complexity of this role has always amazed me BUT the actions of late bring me to tears.

One thread of definition currently being exchanged in the news has been PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder).  While on the subject of veterans - and this being the season of Veterans Day - I salute all who have served and continue to serve to make America - land of the free and home of the brave.  Freedom DOES occur at a cost. 

While PTSD is greatly associated with veterans of war (as well it should be), let me switch gears and lean a bit of focus in another direction.  Victims (and survivors) of domestic abuse

Had I not been a survivor of domestic abuse I would not be so passionate about the further dialogue contained herein.  There are few domestic abuse victims or survivors who cannot relate to full knowledge of suffering from PTSD.

One definition of PTSD is recorded as follows:

• an anxiety disorder associated with serious traumatic events

Consider these signs:

• Chronic pain
• Flash Backs or Nightmares
• Depression or Anxiety
• Withdrawal
• Avoidance of any physical or mental stimuli that reminds them of a past traumatic event
• Repression, or the intentional blockage of memories associated with a past event or experience
• Emotionally Numb
• Suffering jitters so severe that it becomes impossible to relax
• Irritability
• Guilt and Same 
• Behavioral Changes
• Mood Swings
• Super Stressed Out (On "High Alert" at all times)
• Easily Startled

Reportedly, in order for someone to be diagnosed with PTSD, they have to be suffering from the above symptoms for at least a month or so.  Thing is.... and absent from the list above - most people with PTSD either never get diagnosed or 'learned" how to "hide" the internal roar taking place inside of them.  

Mental health professionals are waiting at ready to assist but it is hard to either admit the internal situation has gotten out of control or you (the person) cannot clearly define what is going on inside of you. Okay, do I have a headache that won't go away or when a car backfires I "jump out of my skin".  Trying to decipher what symptom will lead a medical professional to the right remedy can be painful.  The challenge of having to rehearse the trauma is enough to make the most stable person uncomfortable.  Unfortunately, In domestic abuse situations (it appears) the definition of PTSD in the home is not widely recognized.  

Diminished fluid emotional motion is what I suffered.  For years, I just was not "myself".  I looked in the mirror and did not see myself anymore.  I looked like me - I had an outer appearance that people ld call me by the correct name BUT I was not functions on all cylinders and NO ONE KNEW IT.  Just imagine asking a wounded soldier who bravely defended our great country and now finds him/herself in a debilitated paralytic condition barely able to walk without a prosthesis or even worse given the sentence of lying in a hospital bed for the rest of their lives - imagine asking them to be "normal again".  What an insult to their injury.  Imagine walking up to a wheel chair bound individual who may have lost their best friend in a fox hole during battle - ask them the mental change it took to accept that while they cherish life - their normal ability may never be exactly the same again.  What a haunting thought.  Once you KNEW what society would deem as normal and NOT be able to be THAT AGAIN is beyond painful.  Great strides in medicine and technology have exponentially multiplied the number of individuals that are now able to have physical and mental mobility that once eluded them.  Back to point, many victims and survivors of domestic violence SILENTLY live a paralyzed existence with no short term future remedy in sight.

Note to self:  To tell someone suffering from a traumatic event to "get over it" or to "suck it up" is cruel.  Anyone suffering - on their BEST day DO NOT want to feel the way they do.  The flashbacks of an horrific event is paralyzing to the victim.  Problem is - we ae such an angry society.  With the onset of cyber-bullying - people have a shorter "flash point' and if PTSD is not diagnosed and treated an already unstable person can be easily pshed over the edge ... let that sink in.  

It is the deafening silence that is creepy.  It is true that a mind is a terrible thing to waste because the mind is able to push a horrible memory in a dark place in their soul.  Any means to escape "dealing with WHAT HAPPENED" is the prime objective.  Some
use drugs to dull the pain, some use sex as their pill - that is why you have to foster time in a relationship before jumping in - you never know what lies behind those pretty brown eyes!

PTSD is not a diagnosis where you take a pill and I will call you in the morning and you are all well.  First,  it takes acceptance that you have it.  It is hard to part your lips to speak your pain.  Am I right?

The moral of the story - for me - was a relationship with God.  Not just the type where you go to church and a well dressed orator says nice things, you go home, be good to your neighbor and make a family dinner as part of a Sunday obligation.  I can unequivocally tell you that I did not learn intimacy with God until I suffered.  Oh, yeah, I suffered domestic abuse but the enemy meant it for evil and God meant the suffering for my good.  I can relate to ANYONE suffering the silent scream of domestic abuse because I have been there.  

I learned that God was waiting for me to talk to HIM.  I learned how to go to the THRONE before I went to the PHONE.  I could pour out to God in tears when words would escape me.  I learned that the Bible was not a homework assignment but it was a guideline for my life.  I told my problems how big my God was - not rehearsing the guilt and pain everyday.  It is a burden to hate the person who caused me pain - so I learned to forgive him, too.  

Here is  your reality check.  

Who is that looking back at you in the mirror?  Is it you or is it who you want people to believe you really are?  No, look  again.  Are you hurting inside but you adorn your mascara and red lipstick and live a life pretending that everything is alright and yet you are literally DYING on the inside.  It is easy to wear a mask  I did it for years.  

Let  me tell you about freedom.  Freedom is painful.  Freedom is just a prayer away.  You have to get real with  yourself.  Your life is waiting.  

My reality check is coming "out of the closet" - and telling you - I know how you feel.  You have to be deliberate about your desire to be free.  Ain't no half stepping.  It is a daily struggle to be healed.  How bad to you want it?

If it had not been for the Lord on MY side - I don't know know where I would be.  There is room at the cross for you, too.

Your "NEW NORMAL" does not have to be an "imitation you".  You do not have to live a sheltered life because the trauma you have experienced.  Your "NEW NORMAL" is a new and improved YOU.  You now have boundaries.  You talk fluently in circle of people who may understand your past.  I remember when I went to my first counselling session.  The stigma associated with talking with a mental health professional was astounding BUT I left equipped with a better understanding of what I needed to do to take control of my life.  Part of that healing is writing to you.  People don't want to feel alone in their battle.  You have never been alone because you may not have know that God was with you all along.  There are millions of people just like me that made the safe exit out of PTSD.  Is my life perfect.... heck, no.  I will say this - my life would have been a lot worse had I not sought help - both in the natural and in the spiritual.

The day you can wake up and tell your story and NOT cry .... good God that is exhilarating.  The day you can look in the mirror and know that your energy says "nothing can stop me now"  you are making progress.  The day you are able to reach out o someone else - well.... that is a whole new level of freedom in itself.  

It is so true.....Not all scars are visible.  Get some help.

May these words either prove to be your confirmation.... or your Reality Check".