Some Pills Are Tough To Swallow
It is increasingly difficult to ignore the announcement of sexual abuse in the news. There are unmistakable truths and their are two people that know when a lie has entered the equation. The two people (or more) in the room during the offense hold the key to truth but truth comes down to "He Said - "She Said". Delivering and deciding the truth can be difficult - although not impossible.
I recently stated this before: "Until the judicial system dissects and unequivocally defines sexual abuse - like they were forced to do when bringing clarity to the issue of sexual harassment - the accuser AND the abuser will sometimes sacrifice the benefit of whether or not the punishment fits the crime. The Cosby judgment / verdict (in particular) will likely set the stage - the lawyers on both sides have a lot to lose - and a lot to gain".
There is valid argument as to "how does anyone remember something that happened so many years ago"...... While I may not remember what I had for lunch three days ago - there are some events (good and bad) - I recall with photogenic clarity! I can say to you most assuredly that I have experienced events that are forever etched in my mind. I, personally, have total recall of what I wore, what was said, the scents in the room, etc. For me, time does NOT heal all wounds. Have you ever waled into a department store (for instance) and smelled the scent of someone from your past? Did it take your mind to a moment (whether the moment was a stolen one ro not)... did your mind gravitate to that moment? With this thought process, I "believe" many recounts from people when expressing times they were trying to either seek to "forget" something to painful to discuss or to convince someone else that an "event" took place. The stakes are high when faced with uncovering dirty facts. Truth ALWAYS finds its way to the top. ALWAYS.
There will always be someone on each side of the "aisle" seeking to prove whey their views have merit. Like it or not - each "side" of opinion has its own level of merit. What is authentically true is what the "perception" was of the person feeling damaged emotionally by the event. Who can measure that? Remember, one person's perception is another person's truth. If "I" believe something to the core of my being - it becomes "my" truth. No escaping that position. There is a "new" truth that can be learned - but emotionally fractured people find it card to "see" past the impact of emotional injury.
The let's go with the "truth". Truth is nestled somewhere between allowing oneself to be vulnerable and accept an error to absorbing the malady just for it to surface at an unexpected time. In cases of sexual misconduct - even when (or if) the truth is discovered via anything from polygraph to admission of guilt, the horrific pain of the moment never goes away.
Wouldn't it be convenient to offer "two pills and call me in the morning" every time we experience something that drains our soul? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to take a nap and wake up and "everything" is ok - as though you were living a dream? Clearly that is not the case. And finally, who is to determine WHEN an abused person is ALLOWED to articulate the details of an unwanted act? Is there a statute of limitations on emotions? Far be it from me to analyze the "Letter of the Law" and jurisdictional protocol - BUT - if something as serious as an "unwanted' sexual interlude occurred - and someone SUFFERED from it - absorbing it is not the answer. Unfortunate for the abuser, though. It is like serving a sentence (of silence) - just to have to re-live a moment meant to be suppressed.
I so applaud people that "come forward" - their bravery is priceless. The "honesty" factor is the key here though. Lives and reputations hang in the balance. Families, peers, curious on-lookers taking in each word, each body movement, each 'sign" and analyzing it. The present system seems to deter people from coming forward with sexual crimes because while one is already feeling "shame" - the "count of public opinion" is (or can be lethal).
So many lessons learned. First (of many) - Don't jeopardize your future by a moment that "seems" ok. Your past CAN become a part of your future and sexual abuse IS a crime - punishable by jail, by loss of character and reputation and an emotional scar too big to heal.
Lots of dialogue more educated than my own will surface in the next days, weeks, months and years to come. We cannot take a "pill" and make it all "go away". The "long arm of the law" should be and likely will be challenged as they seek to "ferret" out the legality and parameters of justice - but through what we have seen in the news recently - there will be no real "winners" in this game of "moving forward". Many lives will be impacted (forever) - while others will be looked upon as a "hero" for speaking up. For the innocent I pray peace of mind. For the guilty, I pray proper justice is served.
"Take two pills and call me in the morning". Don't we all wish life was that easy. Just think a dispensed dose of "whatever you need" - "whenever you need it". Some pills are more tough to swallow than others but if you need a pill - do - take one.
It is too early to sit in my armchair and take a position on who is right or who is wrong in cases that that do not directly involve me. What I will do is watch how everything plays out - and take my own "pill" to resolve to seek to avoid (knowingly) putting myself in a precarious or questionable position evoking public scrutiny, inner emotional trauma or challenges to my character - and I seek to refrain from judging people for life's struggles.
We are all ONE decision away from a totally different tomorrow.
I recently stated this before: "Until the judicial system dissects and unequivocally defines sexual abuse - like they were forced to do when bringing clarity to the issue of sexual harassment - the accuser AND the abuser will sometimes sacrifice the benefit of whether or not the punishment fits the crime. The Cosby judgment / verdict (in particular) will likely set the stage - the lawyers on both sides have a lot to lose - and a lot to gain".
There is valid argument as to "how does anyone remember something that happened so many years ago"...... While I may not remember what I had for lunch three days ago - there are some events (good and bad) - I recall with photogenic clarity! I can say to you most assuredly that I have experienced events that are forever etched in my mind. I, personally, have total recall of what I wore, what was said, the scents in the room, etc. For me, time does NOT heal all wounds. Have you ever waled into a department store (for instance) and smelled the scent of someone from your past? Did it take your mind to a moment (whether the moment was a stolen one ro not)... did your mind gravitate to that moment? With this thought process, I "believe" many recounts from people when expressing times they were trying to either seek to "forget" something to painful to discuss or to convince someone else that an "event" took place. The stakes are high when faced with uncovering dirty facts. Truth ALWAYS finds its way to the top. ALWAYS.
There will always be someone on each side of the "aisle" seeking to prove whey their views have merit. Like it or not - each "side" of opinion has its own level of merit. What is authentically true is what the "perception" was of the person feeling damaged emotionally by the event. Who can measure that? Remember, one person's perception is another person's truth. If "I" believe something to the core of my being - it becomes "my" truth. No escaping that position. There is a "new" truth that can be learned - but emotionally fractured people find it card to "see" past the impact of emotional injury.
The let's go with the "truth". Truth is nestled somewhere between allowing oneself to be vulnerable and accept an error to absorbing the malady just for it to surface at an unexpected time. In cases of sexual misconduct - even when (or if) the truth is discovered via anything from polygraph to admission of guilt, the horrific pain of the moment never goes away.
Wouldn't it be convenient to offer "two pills and call me in the morning" every time we experience something that drains our soul? Wouldn't it be nice to be able to take a nap and wake up and "everything" is ok - as though you were living a dream? Clearly that is not the case. And finally, who is to determine WHEN an abused person is ALLOWED to articulate the details of an unwanted act? Is there a statute of limitations on emotions? Far be it from me to analyze the "Letter of the Law" and jurisdictional protocol - BUT - if something as serious as an "unwanted' sexual interlude occurred - and someone SUFFERED from it - absorbing it is not the answer. Unfortunate for the abuser, though. It is like serving a sentence (of silence) - just to have to re-live a moment meant to be suppressed.
I so applaud people that "come forward" - their bravery is priceless. The "honesty" factor is the key here though. Lives and reputations hang in the balance. Families, peers, curious on-lookers taking in each word, each body movement, each 'sign" and analyzing it. The present system seems to deter people from coming forward with sexual crimes because while one is already feeling "shame" - the "count of public opinion" is (or can be lethal).
So many lessons learned. First (of many) - Don't jeopardize your future by a moment that "seems" ok. Your past CAN become a part of your future and sexual abuse IS a crime - punishable by jail, by loss of character and reputation and an emotional scar too big to heal.
Lots of dialogue more educated than my own will surface in the next days, weeks, months and years to come. We cannot take a "pill" and make it all "go away". The "long arm of the law" should be and likely will be challenged as they seek to "ferret" out the legality and parameters of justice - but through what we have seen in the news recently - there will be no real "winners" in this game of "moving forward". Many lives will be impacted (forever) - while others will be looked upon as a "hero" for speaking up. For the innocent I pray peace of mind. For the guilty, I pray proper justice is served.
"Take two pills and call me in the morning". Don't we all wish life was that easy. Just think a dispensed dose of "whatever you need" - "whenever you need it". Some pills are more tough to swallow than others but if you need a pill - do - take one.
It is too early to sit in my armchair and take a position on who is right or who is wrong in cases that that do not directly involve me. What I will do is watch how everything plays out - and take my own "pill" to resolve to seek to avoid (knowingly) putting myself in a precarious or questionable position evoking public scrutiny, inner emotional trauma or challenges to my character - and I seek to refrain from judging people for life's struggles.
We are all ONE decision away from a totally different tomorrow.
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