Stand

Different times in our lives cause us to look at our own lives in a more meaningful way.  Turning 50 changed me and the way I looked at things, how I looked at people, how I looked at my own life and ultimately, it changed what was important to me.  Surely there are things I wished had not happened.  Surely, there are people my life did not intersect with.  Of course there are experiences I wish I had not endured.  Heck, there are even family members I wished did not do or say the things that they did - BUT - I have also learned that both the good and the bad things are all a part of my process and part of my journey.  I am steadfast in my convictions enough to understand that God would not have allowed these events and circumstances to occur without giving the enemy permission to do it.  My life experiences are NO surprise to God.   I once heard someone say "God only gives his hardest battles to his strongest soldiers".  

To the adage, "If I knew back then what I know now" - it means something different to me.  I am not sure I would change anything because of the person the challenges have made me to become.  I am strong and I am wiser.  Martin Sapp says it best "I Never Would Have Made It" - these struggles make me more adept at writing to you from a place of saying to you "I've been there"... I have an acute understanding and clarity of the tings I address in this blog.

There has been a shift in my dialogue and the items I post.  I do not rehearse the tragedy of being a victim and now survivor of domestic abuse - although that is part of the arsenal from which God delivered me.  I just want YOU to know I have "been there" so when we converse - I know what I am talking about.  

I now seek to serve.  I seek to give of myself from the pain I have endured.  You see, I know what it feels like to call upon a loving God and wonder if He is listening.  I understand going to church every Sunday and before I get home feeling the dark cloud of depression.  Yeah, I know what it feel like to cry myself to sleep AFTER i listened to a spirit filled message from T.D. Jakes.  Oh, yes I know what it feels like to sow a seed and wonder where is the harvest.  Being discouraged because of betrayal from a fellow choir member - who I helped in their time of need.  There ain't nothing worse than being hurt or damaged - but when it happens in church - it can be lethal.  Your thoughts race in different directions.  You know there is a God - but begin to question "things".

I am certainly not an authority on many things but this one thing I do know - God is not dead.  God is not dead to your emotions, to your heart cry.  God is not dead to where you are right now in your life.  My heart cry for anyone reading these words is to take a deep breath.  Go ahead, inhale - then exhale.  Everything is gonna be good - even better than good.  It is forward motion that puts things back together again. 

Let me leave you with this:

Ephesians 6:13-18 The Message (MSG)

13-18 Be prepared. You’re up against far more than you can handle on your own. Take all the help you can get, every weapon God has issued, so that when it’s all over but the shouting you’ll still be on your feet. Truth, righteousness, peace, faith, and salvation are more than words. Learn how to apply them. You’ll need them throughout your life. God’s Word is an indispensable weapon. In the same way, prayer is essential in this ongoing warfare. Pray hard and long. Pray for your brothers and sisters. Keep your eyes open. Keep each other’s spirits up so that no one falls behind or drops out.